RSVP

Irony is a tough sell. Either you get it or . . . well, you are left in a state of befuddlement. I got the post card and it looks like a really fun gig. I can't tell you how cool it is for you to find a woman who is:

A. Willing to put up with your bullshit (Not specifically "yours," everyone carries a bunch of silly idiosyncrasies with them);

B. Is willing to get involved in our family (Dan was warned!!) to any degree;

C. Is fun enough to create cool invites;

D. Actually is willing to create a joint website with the fifth-grade carved into the tree "FOREVER" in the title and who, somewhere in the recesses of her heart, actually hopes it proves true.

Plus, from what little I have seen, she is a looker and everyone seems to really enjoy her company. So you did:

(The following could be said in the voice that Heath Ledger used in Brokeback)

Real good boy, real good! Shuck dem oysters and rope dem steers! YEE HAA!!

Although I really do love cousin Will, he is not an INCENTIVE for me to come to Cali. You, and your lovely bride to be, are the only incentives that I need. Besides, I am all "clean" now – this is where irony, to any degree, really raises his ugly head – and I am oooh so scared of the temptation that his presence would afford. Why just seeing him would be like a shot of sweet "H" right to the main vein. Just kidding. I'd smoke dope with him, and with you for that matter; piss on SUPER SOBRIETY. I just can't get all fucked up any more. RATS! DOUBLE FARTS!!

But that is an off topic matter. One between me and my creator (I am currently reading The Brother's Karamazov and once you wade through the first 200 pages it starts to get really good and extremely thought provoking. In fact, last night, before I finally drifted off the sounds of Air (used BITLORD to score all six albums – man, that thing is fuckin' addictive and really fun to use – currently listening to the new Donald Fagen as I write this, the new Willie Nelson is cued) I was reading all about love in that book and came across the following:

Love is a teacher, but one must know how to acquire it, for it is difficult to acquire, it is dearly bought, by long work over a long time, for one ought to love not for a chance moment but for all time. (pg 319)

Although that was not the image that I was looking for I think I sort of liked it anyway. Here is the good bit and the one that really stuck:

Much on earth is concealed from us, but in place of it we have been granted a secret, mysterious sense of our living bond with the other world, with the higher heavenly world, and the roots of our thoughts and feelings are not here but in other worlds. That is why philosophers say it is impossible on earth to conceive the essence of things. God took seeds from other worlds and sowed them on this earth, and raised up his garden; and everything that could sprout sprouted, but it lives and grows only though its sense of being in touch with other mysterious worlds; if this sense is weakened or destroyed in you, that which has grown up in you dies. Then you become indifferent to life, and even come to hate it. So I think. (pg 320)

At this point you are supposed to mutter something akin to: Dude, I was only wondering if you were coming to my wedding, I didn't want a fuckin' lecture in Russian lit! Fair enough. I am totally with you there. But don't you think that it is odd and sort of mysterious that you could find a woman who would fulfill the previously stated ABCD? I mean that is sort of cool, no? You sprouted in MI and she sprouted in CA and now your vines will intertwine and . . . Well, I guess the point is that you (the both of you) should never lose touch with the mysterious and miraculous that is involved in two people meeting. Or something like that. I guess I added the love passage as a reminder that love is indeed work so never give up . . . You get my point.

Am I still living large? Well, I am living larger than I have ever lived in the states. I am paying my bills, digging myself out from the wreckage of 20 + years of wretched behavior, meeting some interesting people, I like still like my job and my schedule is much better now that it has settled into something normal. I found a group of guys to go biking with and we hit the mountains that surround the city. They are not Cali-like mountains, more like the hills that surround the Pennsylvania turnpike as you work your way towards the east coast. They are beautiful and the terrain is varied – forest, high plains, bamboo groves. I try to ride at least three days a week (the other days I go to Yoga class – I am sort of dating my Yoga teacher but that is weird as her English blows, my Korean is minimal and, as I am a REALLY verbal creature (long rambling talks are my real hard-on in life), the problems with this situation are numerous (on the plus side she knows lots of cheap and good restaurants)) and I ride with a couple of other guys who have all of the skills that I really lack. One of the problems is that my beloved Gary Fisher Hoo Koo E Koo is a bit too large for what I am trying to do with it. When I bought the bike I explained to the salesman that what I wanted was an urban assault vehicle and for that purpose it has proven perfect. After I bought new tires and hit the mountain, troubles ensued.

I have crashed numerous times; once one to the point of thinking that I should ponder cross stitching or knitting. It is simply too big for what we are tying to do. The mountains are filled with hikers and there are numerous stairs, roots and other obstacles that prove rather challenging; so far I have had to buy a new chain and new brake pads. I am getting better at climbing and they say that I am fearless on the downhills – yes, I do go balls out and this is a serious problem. So what do I do?

It is at this point that you get to call me a "fuckin' punk." OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!

I decided that I would buy a new bike. The only brand that doesn't get marked up via Korean taxes (my Fisher new in the states MSRP $950, here $1600 – ON SALE!!) is Giant (world wide their prices are pretty consistent) and the bike shop here in Pohang will sell it to me at 15% above his cost – the man's gotta eat. So after much thought and much wrangling (back to the cowboy thing – saw BROKEBACK on Sunday, what a great film although I thought CRASH was better) I decided to buy a Giant Anthem 3. It should arrive today. I am super excited. I guess we all need a hobby and this is mine.

So I made a choice: your wedding or a new mountain bike. Sorry, but you we sold out for a piece of Taiwanese aluminum. Shiny. Black. Not the greatest components but I can upgrade. I looked into tickets and it was going to cost me $1100 to swing the Cali trip. I figured that would totally tap me. As it stands I am now totally tapped but I am hoping that by making this investment – YES, ALWAYS THINK OF A BIKE AS AN INVESTMENT – I will avoid killing myself on Chung Po Mountain. I can also turn my Fisher back into the urban destroyer that it was meant to be and I will be totally pimpin' – city bike, country bike. In reality I could buy a fuckin' used car for what I am paying for the bike but who in the fuck wants to own a goddamned car?

So I am begging forgiveness. It would be great to go back to the states for a week or so but I also only have 10 days vacation and I want to use them when/if my Mom comes over here. I have also been told that if I don't use them, and never call in sick (no sick days so far), I can use this fact as a bargaining tool when it comes time for me to negotiate my new contract. As it stands, I am going to stay for at least another year. There is no reason for me not to. That is one of the other reasons (LIKE I NEED A FUCKIN' REASON!!) to buy a bike as I figured that I could easily use it for the duration of my stay. My Fisher is a fuckin' beast and it should need minimal care so I am good to go for the moment.

I have been told that the key to survival in Korea is that one needs a hobby – a girlfriend who works in an opium den would be a plus – and cycling is not a bad one. The guy who runs my favorite coffee shop is the one who brokered the deal with the bike shop and he one of the guys with whom I ride. So I guess it is a survival thing. Plus, everyone loves new toys.

Yes, the eloping thing would have been a swell idea but man, you would have PISSED people off!! You guys are doing the right thing and everyone will have a party to remember. That is the key.

Like I said, I am sorry that I can't be there but I had to make a choice.

Back to Dostoevsky: for a long time I really did feel like I hated life. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy where I was or the situation that I was in. Now I don't feel that way. I feel connected to my little community and this is only after six months. I seldom felt that way in the big Nap and for now it feels right being here. The point is that once you feel that life is good and beautiful and connected then it is a wonderful thing to behold and precious; don't let go. I am envious that you found someone to love and to whom you will present to the world as yours. That is really fuckin' cool man, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If they do, well, fuck 'em and feed 'em fish heads as they don't have a clue as to what they are talking about.

Now I have to go and see a man about a mechanical horse.

Please take care and I promise to call before the big day.

Much love and keep in touch.

Yours truly,

scott